Things for Room 101

Today I am feeling grumpier than usual so I'm just going to talk about lots of things that get on my nerves and get it all off my chest once and for all. These are first world problems, I know overall I'm very fortunate, but seemingly little things are bugging me and I'd like put them all in room 101, please.

Cards with glitter on them (or more often NOT stuck on them). Not only is it environmentally unfriendly as it's plastic but this stuff gets everywhere, when you think you've dusted and hoovered it away, more appears out of thin air. It breeds like tribbles and pine needles. I have been known to buy them myself but only to avenge myself on those who have sinned against me. A self-perpetuating problem, if I stopped.. would they?

Coat hangers; these things are evil triangles of exasperation. Even on their own they try your patience. Three or four tangled together are a menace to sanity. I quite like ironing, I really don’t mind doing it at all, especially if I can do it in between points during a televised tennis match but dealing with the coat hangers spoils it.

Packaging that is too tall to fit in your cupboards. The worse ones are where the supermarket gives you 20% free and you can't buy the proper sized ones til the promotion is over. Just reduce the price instead! 

Modern plugs. Both the moulded ones with an integral cable and the upside down ones which have transformers atrached. I live in an old house, many of the sockets are just above the skirting board and hence they only just go in, leaving a little gap. When I'm vacuuming carpets or steaming the kitchen floor, when the extent of the cable is reached, it pulls out very easily. Some sockets in my house cannot be used at all. The house was designed for the old style plugs which you could rewire yourself. It's a safety thing I guess, to stop people who didn't do it right from electrocuting themselves; all I can say to that is they clearly deserved it, Darwinism in action. 

Pump action dispensers that don't go right too the bottom of the container. The see thru ones add insult to injury as not only can you feel the weight of the product you can't get at, you can SEE it as well! When you complain to the manufacturer, they say they put more in the container to make up for it. This just annoys me more, they KNOW about it, don't solve it AND are deliberately wasteful.

Ansaphones that beep incessantly until you listen to the message. You can hear it nearly everywhere in the house. What's wrong with just a discreet flashing light I can check as and when I'm ready to see if anyone needs me? My other half is also irritated by it but he thinks you have to delete the message as well as listen to it to make it shut up. So he’ll tell me, “so-and-so left a message for you” so I go to listen to it but it’s gone! 

Cheese that sticks to the knife when you try to slice it for a sandwich. 

Strangers in the street who tell you to "cheer up".

Clothing labels that itch the back of your neck. Don't the people who design/manufacture clothing wear their own brands?

People with limp wristed knocks that are so quiet you can't hear them. I have a doorbell ... why wouldn't you use it? It's a good job I have a dog or I would never get any of my packages. Supermarket drivers are the worst. If there was some way to make my door knocker activate a really annoying beep like my ansaphone so I don't miss packages (or my food delivery) that would be great. 

Labels on wine bottles and attractive glass jars that you can't remove by soaking in water.

Things left in the sink. If you're not going to put them in the dishwasher or wash them up yourself, then leave them on adjacent work surfaces, that is a better option. It drives me nuts to have to remove things from the sink before washing an apple or emptying out the dog's water bowl to put fresh in. WORSE are things that are left in the sink which have cold clammy water on top of them on the pretext they're "soaking". Never has my fellow house inhabitant ever removed such an item a little later, if he did, maybe he would realise how unpleasant it is. I can only assume this affrontery is a message "I can't be bothered to wash this, it's quicker to just cover with water and ABANDON it." I have to put my hand into scummy, yukky cold water to take it out ... yuk!

Thunder flies.

Man-sneezes exaggerated for effect and far louder than is strictly necessary. Imagine you were escaping from a murderous assassin (not me, obviously I wouldn't murder anyone JUST for sneezing ...) If you really, really HAD to sneeze in your hiding place, wouldn't you TRY to do it quietly?

I realise it should only be three things but it’s my blog, my rules. If you have a problem with that, I'll just have to put you in Room 101 as well.

Can I learn to love my mobile phone?

I have to have a mobile phone because I'd never go out in my car without the reassurance that I can summon help. I am a very anxious "what-if-what-if" kind of person. I worry about everything, I need props, back-up procedures and detailed planning before doing many things. I've even needed professional help with anxiety which - at times - paralyses me into inaction. So you see, I have to have one. I wish I didn't.

Anyway, that's the only good thing about a mobile phone, it stops me worrying about breaking down or being in an accident. Reasons to detest and loathe it are multitudinous.

Every time I upgrade to a new phone (3 times) the new one has been worse than the one before. In hindsight, my first clunky, chunky Nokia from 1997 is recalled now with great fondness; all the reassurance it gave me. Getting texts out of it was a hit and miss affair, but the battery would last nearly a week if I didn't use it.

The one I have now runs out of charge 18 hours even if I haven't used it for anything other than checking the date (like once). 

When its battery is depleted (which is always), I have to wait til it's got 3% power before it will switch back on. Even though it's plugged in, with the entire national grid's electricity supply at its disposal, I cannot get a phone number out of it.

When I'm in poor reception areas, my phone remembers and when I've moved to a place where I know reception is good, I have to turn it off and on again before it realises it can work again.

When it got lost at a gig, I rang O2 and they deactivated it for me. Thankfully, I got it back from the venue. I expected to have to reactivate it but no, it just worked ...?! 

It won't fit into the front pocket of my jeans, only the back, I forgot and accidentally sat on it so the screen has had a crack for weeks but it still works (something else in it's favour I grudgingly accept). I need to upgrade but I can't go back to the shop where I got this one. 

Once I finished paying for it and my contract expired, O2 in Stamford have never left me alone. Constant messages, texts and phone calls asking me to ring them as they have "important information about my account" which I ignored.

Recently, I went for a routine hospital screening appointment with a dangerously low charge (as usual). My lift was picking me up at the point he dropped me off but somehow, after the appointment, I'd come out of the wrong exit in another part of the hospital; I had no idea where I was. 

Panicking a little bit, I got my phone out to ring him to say I'd be a bit longer but as I did, it rang. I answered, thinking it was my rescuer, the knight in shining armour and all round wonderfulness that is my husband. Instead, I got the O2 shop ... I kind of exploded at them about, well everything. How dare they use up my charge, I told them I would never ever spend another penny in their shop, this phone is for my convenience not theirs and to stop hassling me. And I did it in an extremely loud voice. They haven't bothered me since.

Now I'm very interested in photography, and I know a few people who can take really wonderful photos on their mobile phones, I have been wondering about getting a mobile with a good camera. I've been looking into what settings you can change on a mobile phone and the reviews say the macro settings on the latest models rival a dSLR. I was hoping for a macro lens for my Nikon D700 for Christmas but I'm thinking I might just ask Santa for a new mobile phone instead. Given all my previous rantings about my mobile, Santa will think I've gone mad.

If I do go for a new mobile, all I have to do is find an iPhone shop that will have me, grumpy, negative, middle-aged luddite that I am.

PS, I like how my mobile phone links up with my beloved iPad but THAT's it, there are no other good things about it.